Sunday, May 19, 2013

I'm Back

For now, anyway. Who's going to believe me if I promise regular updates after disappearing for five years? But at the moment, I'm happy to be back and posting.

I'm 33 years old now, and have been thinking more than usual about our childfree choice. Don't misunderstand: I'm not reconsidering. I'm in the middle of a major career reboot, going for a second graduate degree that I won't finish until I'm 35. And more than ever lately, I've realized how much I love my free time, and need it. I am an introvert by nature and I need as much quiet time as possible every day to read, journal, or just think and be by myself. That's not ever going to change, and it's the main reason I've never wanted children.

But, as much as I'm more sure than ever that I don't want kids, I have to admit I'm feeling a lot more like the odd one out than I did in my twenties. Almost all of our close friends from back then have children now. We've been hanging out a lot with our family, who understands, and we hang around a lot lately with one particular couple who's a few years younger than us, so they're not really thinking about kids yet (although they are open to the idea of having them someday.)

Being the odd ones out doesn't bother me; I've always known eventually we'd be the last ones standing. But it does feel weird at times, and leads me to, if not question my choice, kind of wonder what it is that makes me so different from everyone else. I still have absolutely no desire to have kids. It just feels a little stranger to feel that way than it used to.