My vacation with my husband this week has reminded me again just how great childfree travel is. To remind all of you the same, here is a list of just a few things we have done together this week -- all of which would have been impossible with small children.
-Enjoyed long and lazy afternoons in the backyard at our vacation cottage, catching up on our reading.
-Went wine tasting on several days of the week, often stopping to have a glass outside at a particularly pretty vineyard.
-Went to a nighttime outdoor screening of the Audrey Hepburn classic "Sabrina," complete with picnic of wine and cheese.
-Had a quiet dinner at a nice Italian restaurant on the water, at a table out on the deck.
-Visited the bar at our favorite bistro for several cocktails, some Olympics-watching, and a chat with the bartender.
-Had a couple of beers together at 10 PM in the hot tub at the cottage. (I won't say whether or not we opted for bathing suits.)
-Went for an 8-mile canoe trip up the Peconic in a two-person boat, stopping for ice cream at the end.
-Grilled an intimate dinner for two out on the deck at the cottage.
This is the most relaxing week I've had in ages and I don't even want to imagine how it would be transformed if we had a child or three we had to focus on instead of one another.
I actually had a dream last night that we had two children. I told my husband about it when I woke up. He shuddered and said, "Ugh, bad dream."
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Diner Brats
My husband and I are on vacation this week on the North Fork of Long Island, our favorite place to go to relax. We like it for the wineries and for the general sense of peace and quiet. Unfortunately, that peace and quiet was shattered over what should have been a relaxing lunch today.
We were at a small luncheonette and ice cream parlor in the area, sitting in a booth and looking over menus, when a family walked in with four screeching children. I immediately rolled my eyes at my husband. I could tell right away that these tykes were going to be trouble. As they gathered around the ice cream counter, screaming "The pink one, Mommy, I want the pink one!" and "I want sprinkles!" and "I want chocolate sauce!", I hoped fervently that they would take their ice cream to go and walk back out into the pretty summer day. Unfortunately, they decided to stay, and to seat themselves at the booth right behind us.
We could not believe the behavior of these children. Their screams reverberated off the walls of the tiny diner, assaulting our ears for the entirety of our meal. There were other families with kids in the diner, but none were making any noise at all except for these children. We actually heard one of the little boys -- maybe six or seven -- shout at his mother, "Mom, DON'T TAKE ANY OF MY ICE CREAM!" My husband and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
"If that were my kid, I'd take him outside and smack him," my husband said in a low tone.
"I'd tell him he's buying his own ice cream from now on," I replied.
"Even though he wouldn't have any money, because he wouldn't be getting an allowance for the next decade," my husband agreed.
Finally, the family left. It was astounding how much quieter the diner was. I don't think I'd realized until then just HOW much noise these ill-behaved, entitled brats had been making.
Oh well. At least we're back at our cottage now, blogging in peace and quiet. Those parents get to reap the fruits of their own lack of discipline all day long.
Earplugs, anyone?
We were at a small luncheonette and ice cream parlor in the area, sitting in a booth and looking over menus, when a family walked in with four screeching children. I immediately rolled my eyes at my husband. I could tell right away that these tykes were going to be trouble. As they gathered around the ice cream counter, screaming "The pink one, Mommy, I want the pink one!" and "I want sprinkles!" and "I want chocolate sauce!", I hoped fervently that they would take their ice cream to go and walk back out into the pretty summer day. Unfortunately, they decided to stay, and to seat themselves at the booth right behind us.
We could not believe the behavior of these children. Their screams reverberated off the walls of the tiny diner, assaulting our ears for the entirety of our meal. There were other families with kids in the diner, but none were making any noise at all except for these children. We actually heard one of the little boys -- maybe six or seven -- shout at his mother, "Mom, DON'T TAKE ANY OF MY ICE CREAM!" My husband and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
"If that were my kid, I'd take him outside and smack him," my husband said in a low tone.
"I'd tell him he's buying his own ice cream from now on," I replied.
"Even though he wouldn't have any money, because he wouldn't be getting an allowance for the next decade," my husband agreed.
Finally, the family left. It was astounding how much quieter the diner was. I don't think I'd realized until then just HOW much noise these ill-behaved, entitled brats had been making.
Oh well. At least we're back at our cottage now, blogging in peace and quiet. Those parents get to reap the fruits of their own lack of discipline all day long.
Earplugs, anyone?
Monday, August 11, 2008
A Polite Reminder: Keep Your Damn Mouth Shut
Longtime readers of this blog will remember several past posts from about a year ago, when I had gained some weight and idiotic people who (obviously!) didn't know me very well kept "congratulating" me on what they assumed was my pregnancy. Unfortunately, as I'm naturally rather petite and any extra weight tends to collect around my abdominal area and stay out of my face, arms and legs, gaining a lot of excess weight does kind of tend to make me look pregnant. Which, of course, does not excuse the tactlessness of others in pointing this out.
However, I'm proud to say that I've lost approximately 14 pounds since January of this year, largely due to taking up running and cleaning up my diet. No one has brought up my supposed "pregnancy" in quite a long time, and I thought this nightmare was finally all behind me.
Until the doorman in my building at work today, one of my earlier "congratulators," delivered the ultimate slap in the face. As I breezed by him on my way in this morning, he called out to me:
"Hey! How's the little one?"
So, to all, a polite reminder: PLEASE DO NOT EVER, EVER MENTION A WOMAN'S PREGNANCY TO HER UNLESS YOU ARE 100% SURE THAT SHE IS PREGNANT. And by 100% sure, I mean either she has told you herself that she is, her husband/partner has told you, or she is going into labor and needs medical assistance.
This has been the Childfree Corner PSA of the day.
However, I'm proud to say that I've lost approximately 14 pounds since January of this year, largely due to taking up running and cleaning up my diet. No one has brought up my supposed "pregnancy" in quite a long time, and I thought this nightmare was finally all behind me.
Until the doorman in my building at work today, one of my earlier "congratulators," delivered the ultimate slap in the face. As I breezed by him on my way in this morning, he called out to me:
"Hey! How's the little one?"
So, to all, a polite reminder: PLEASE DO NOT EVER, EVER MENTION A WOMAN'S PREGNANCY TO HER UNLESS YOU ARE 100% SURE THAT SHE IS PREGNANT. And by 100% sure, I mean either she has told you herself that she is, her husband/partner has told you, or she is going into labor and needs medical assistance.
This has been the Childfree Corner PSA of the day.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Another One Bites the Dust
Recently, my husband and I learned that yet another one of our friends is now pregnant. This will make her the third new mother in what used to be our very tight-knit social circle.
I'm still reeling from how quickly all of our friends suddenly decided to have children. I'm 28, which is not exactly a ripe old age to have children for people in New York. Many here don't even marry and settle down until their thirties. So I really was pretty shocked when our friends all suddenly started breeding. We all got married in 2006, and three out of five couples have now procreated, counting the newly expecting one. I never expected it to happen so soon.
I can't even fathom how my friends could want children at this young an age -- or maybe it's just that I can't fathom why they want them at all. I suppose 28 would not be an unreasonable age to have kids, if I were actually planning on having them ever. But the sudden divide between my friends and me has just made it all the more clear to me that my husband and I really are different from them, and that we're choosing something different.
Don't get me wrong -- we've still got plenty of friends with no kids to relate to. Our best friends, the one couple besides us who's held off so far, do plan on having children, but not for a few more years at least. And we've got a bunch of more casual friends with no children yet, some of whom aren't even married. I'm just shocked at how quickly the rest of our friends jumped headfirst into parenthood. One day we thought we had a ton in common with them, and the next day we discovered we now have almost nothing in common.
Oh well... that's the way it goes, I guess.
I'm still reeling from how quickly all of our friends suddenly decided to have children. I'm 28, which is not exactly a ripe old age to have children for people in New York. Many here don't even marry and settle down until their thirties. So I really was pretty shocked when our friends all suddenly started breeding. We all got married in 2006, and three out of five couples have now procreated, counting the newly expecting one. I never expected it to happen so soon.
I can't even fathom how my friends could want children at this young an age -- or maybe it's just that I can't fathom why they want them at all. I suppose 28 would not be an unreasonable age to have kids, if I were actually planning on having them ever. But the sudden divide between my friends and me has just made it all the more clear to me that my husband and I really are different from them, and that we're choosing something different.
Don't get me wrong -- we've still got plenty of friends with no kids to relate to. Our best friends, the one couple besides us who's held off so far, do plan on having children, but not for a few more years at least. And we've got a bunch of more casual friends with no children yet, some of whom aren't even married. I'm just shocked at how quickly the rest of our friends jumped headfirst into parenthood. One day we thought we had a ton in common with them, and the next day we discovered we now have almost nothing in common.
Oh well... that's the way it goes, I guess.
Happy Birthday To CC...
Childfree Corner is one year old today! Thanks to all who have been reading and continue to do so. Although I don't always respond, please know that it's truly been a great thing for me to read the comments you leave on this blog and know I'm not alone in my thoughts. I hope that reading my posts makes you feel the same way.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Gearing Up for the Annual Family Reunion
Every year, my entire family on my father's side gathers together at my grandparents' lake house in upstate New York. Longtime readers of this blog may remember my post about this last year. We swim, waterski, drink, and build fires and generally have a great time together. However, lately it's also become the time of year when I reflect most on my decision not to have children, and think about it with the most certainty and gratitude.
Not being a fan of kids generally, I don't spend much time around them. But every year at the lake, I interact with my three young cousins, children of my aunt and uncle. They have autistic twin sons who are now 7, and a non-autistic daughter, who is 4.
As terrible as it sounds, my aunt and uncle are my childed cautionary tale. Their children are very sweet, in particular their daughter, who I think is the friendliest, brightest, most well-behaved little girl of her age that I've ever met. And I know they love their kids.
But from the outside looking in, their life looks like hell to me. As my father put it, "they just can't get out from under this crushing burden." My aunt and uncle employ a full-time babysitter for their children, so effectively there are 3 adults to 3 children in their house. Even then, though, they get close to zero time for themselves.
They don't even have time to take care of their own health, which is really important to me. My aunt's never been skinny, but the years have not been good to her -- I was shocked the last time I saw her in a bathing suit. My uncle, too, bemoaned how out of shape he's gotten when I saw him a couple of weeks ago. They feed their kids things like soda and chicken fingers and pretty much seem to eat that way themselves as well whenever I see them eating.
Please understand that I'm not judging them. I understand how tough their lives are, and that circumstances are driving them to this. It's for that exact reason that I'm posting about them here.
No one who has children ever knows if they will end up in a similar situation. My aunt and uncle did not even know until their sons were a few years old that they had special needs. And observing them, I just can't bring myself to take that big a gamble in life.
I feel bad when we see them, because my husband and I live such carefree lives. I feel bad at the lake when we relax as they work their asses off taking care of their children. And I feel bad writing this post about them. But it is what it is. I know my fellow childfrees will understand how I feel.
Not being a fan of kids generally, I don't spend much time around them. But every year at the lake, I interact with my three young cousins, children of my aunt and uncle. They have autistic twin sons who are now 7, and a non-autistic daughter, who is 4.
As terrible as it sounds, my aunt and uncle are my childed cautionary tale. Their children are very sweet, in particular their daughter, who I think is the friendliest, brightest, most well-behaved little girl of her age that I've ever met. And I know they love their kids.
But from the outside looking in, their life looks like hell to me. As my father put it, "they just can't get out from under this crushing burden." My aunt and uncle employ a full-time babysitter for their children, so effectively there are 3 adults to 3 children in their house. Even then, though, they get close to zero time for themselves.
They don't even have time to take care of their own health, which is really important to me. My aunt's never been skinny, but the years have not been good to her -- I was shocked the last time I saw her in a bathing suit. My uncle, too, bemoaned how out of shape he's gotten when I saw him a couple of weeks ago. They feed their kids things like soda and chicken fingers and pretty much seem to eat that way themselves as well whenever I see them eating.
Please understand that I'm not judging them. I understand how tough their lives are, and that circumstances are driving them to this. It's for that exact reason that I'm posting about them here.
No one who has children ever knows if they will end up in a similar situation. My aunt and uncle did not even know until their sons were a few years old that they had special needs. And observing them, I just can't bring myself to take that big a gamble in life.
I feel bad when we see them, because my husband and I live such carefree lives. I feel bad at the lake when we relax as they work their asses off taking care of their children. And I feel bad writing this post about them. But it is what it is. I know my fellow childfrees will understand how I feel.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Finding Purpose Without Children
Some people feel that children give their life more purpose, more meaning. Hats off to them. Truth is, though, we don't need children to do this for us.
I've never really felt that my life lacked meaning. I have a demanding career, wonderful husband, large group of friends, and lots of hobbies and interests to keep me busy. If one is content with enjoying life, one really needn't look for purpose or meaning in it. However, as everyone knows, adding volunteer work to your life is also a great option if you want to do something meaningful with your time.
Recently I've been seriously considering volunteering for the Samaritans of New York, a suicide prevention hotline. Although my husband and I are in a majorly busy phase of life right now (we're moving, and don't have a lot of extra time), I would really like to make time to begin doing this sometime in the next few months, perhaps in the beginning of 2009.
The job is demanding. The Samaritans make clear that their organization is a professional crisis counseling hotline, and that volunteers need to make a serious commitment: 60+ hours of training, followed by a 6-month commitment to 3 5-hour shifts per month plus one weekday (Sun-Thurs) overnight shift per month. I work a normal Monday-Friday day job with pretty long hours as it is, so that's a lot for me. But I really want to do it because it seems like it would be very rewarding, and I think I would be good at it.
To me, making the time for something like this in my life would have way more meaning than making the time to raise some kid. Raising kids, in my mind, is not giving back to the community. This is. And need I even say that I wouldn't have time to do this if I had a baby to take care of?
Just some musings. If you've ever done something similar, I'd love to hear from you, as well as hear about any other volunteer work you do.
I've never really felt that my life lacked meaning. I have a demanding career, wonderful husband, large group of friends, and lots of hobbies and interests to keep me busy. If one is content with enjoying life, one really needn't look for purpose or meaning in it. However, as everyone knows, adding volunteer work to your life is also a great option if you want to do something meaningful with your time.
Recently I've been seriously considering volunteering for the Samaritans of New York, a suicide prevention hotline. Although my husband and I are in a majorly busy phase of life right now (we're moving, and don't have a lot of extra time), I would really like to make time to begin doing this sometime in the next few months, perhaps in the beginning of 2009.
The job is demanding. The Samaritans make clear that their organization is a professional crisis counseling hotline, and that volunteers need to make a serious commitment: 60+ hours of training, followed by a 6-month commitment to 3 5-hour shifts per month plus one weekday (Sun-Thurs) overnight shift per month. I work a normal Monday-Friday day job with pretty long hours as it is, so that's a lot for me. But I really want to do it because it seems like it would be very rewarding, and I think I would be good at it.
To me, making the time for something like this in my life would have way more meaning than making the time to raise some kid. Raising kids, in my mind, is not giving back to the community. This is. And need I even say that I wouldn't have time to do this if I had a baby to take care of?
Just some musings. If you've ever done something similar, I'd love to hear from you, as well as hear about any other volunteer work you do.
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