Sunday, June 22, 2008

Another One Bites the Dust

Recently, my husband and I learned that yet another one of our friends is now pregnant. This will make her the third new mother in what used to be our very tight-knit social circle.

I'm still reeling from how quickly all of our friends suddenly decided to have children. I'm 28, which is not exactly a ripe old age to have children for people in New York. Many here don't even marry and settle down until their thirties. So I really was pretty shocked when our friends all suddenly started breeding. We all got married in 2006, and three out of five couples have now procreated, counting the newly expecting one. I never expected it to happen so soon.

I can't even fathom how my friends could want children at this young an age -- or maybe it's just that I can't fathom why they want them at all. I suppose 28 would not be an unreasonable age to have kids, if I were actually planning on having them ever. But the sudden divide between my friends and me has just made it all the more clear to me that my husband and I really are different from them, and that we're choosing something different.

Don't get me wrong -- we've still got plenty of friends with no kids to relate to. Our best friends, the one couple besides us who's held off so far, do plan on having children, but not for a few more years at least. And we've got a bunch of more casual friends with no children yet, some of whom aren't even married. I'm just shocked at how quickly the rest of our friends jumped headfirst into parenthood. One day we thought we had a ton in common with them, and the next day we discovered we now have almost nothing in common.

Oh well... that's the way it goes, I guess.

7 comments:

Steve & Stepher said...

I believe that the late twenties are prime breeding time for many couples. That's when several of our former friends decided to breed. Other waited until they were firmly in their thirties and then we have others who are still HAPPILY CF.

I can't imagine having spawn at this age either but I suppose that's why we're different...

Stepher

Iwona said...

I identify with you very much. Both me and my husband want to avoid breeding. I wonder how you cope with the presuure and constant comments from the family, if there are any. In my case there is a lot, e.g. last week I called my in law's to inform them that my claim (about low quality job done in my house) was accepted. Husband's father picked up the phone. I started the conversation with 'I have a good news'. What followed? 'Oh! Shall I call Ann before you tell me?'. It was obvious to me what he meant. we have only got married 8 moths ago and the mother in law is crazy about children. this is just one of may examples. I just cannot stand it. I wonder how you deal with the pressure if there is any placed upon you.

Childfreeeee said...

(sigh)...yes it's a sad part of being childfree...losing all your friends to parenthood. They all swear that nothing will change..that you'll still be close and be able to do all the things you always did, but it never happens. Parenthood is all-consuming.

The good news is...there are many more CF people around nowadays and it's getting easier and easier to find them. For a start, check out the childfree groups on Meetup.com

Eveliina said...

This is happening to me also. This summer 3 of my best friends had kids. Two of them had their second children and one had their first. We are all turned or turning 32 this year. I know that I have lost them for parenthood. The fact is that there will be no good conversations anymore, it's all about the kids now and I find it so boring.

I also hate the pressure factor. It's constantly there.

FIT2FIGHT said...

A little late on the comments but arriving at this military post we were 1 of 2 couples w/o kids but that changed in Jan 08 when it was announced that they were expecting a baby in Sept. Well it's Sept and the baby is here. Good-bye quiet summer dinners, discussions about things other than diapers and rash. There are now 4-spouses w/o kids but this one was a more hopeful possibility for a long-term friendship. Our parents dont pressure us for children. They understand the hard work.

BrooklynChick said...

I don't always answer comments (although I do appreciate them, very much, and always read!) but I feel compelled to leave one here.

I think my husband and I are EXTREMELY lucky, in that we haven't received any pressure at all from our families. Our families know that we do not want kids. I'm not sure if the lack of pressure is because we're still relatively young at 28 and 29 (maybe they think we'll change our minds?) or because they genuinely accept our decision, but I'm inclined to think it is the latter. We are really blessed with wonderful parents.

My heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing such pressure from your parents and families. It is so wrong, in my opinion, that they don't respect your decision. Stay strong!

-brooklynchick

ForeverYoungRV.com said...

I just came across this site....I just love reading what you have to say. I've had similar experiences as of lately....

In fact, on Facebook I used the exact quote you did: "Another one bites the dust" in response to learning another 'friend' had decided to pop one out, or rather his g/f did!

The worst thing about it is, he was trying to find a way to 'ditch' this woman, and then suddenly there was 'the news'. It made me sick to my stomach. Irresponsible people....*sigh*

Anyway, about the pressure we have faced, it mostly comes from my husbands parents and family out in PEI....

We were married January 2008, and we are 28 and 29 years old. The questions started BEFORE we even tied the knot. I've come up with a lot of comebacks....some have worked, some not so much. I guess it's a learning process.

Thankfully, my parents never pressure us, they understand where we're coming from....we are so thankful for this!