Tuesday, June 26, 2007

"Someday"

I really didn't realize that having children was a choice until I was in my mid-20s. I mean, intellectually I knew it was a choice, but I had still always just assumed that I would have them someday. Who doesn't? And why wouldn't I?

Then all of a sudden I got married and started my first post-law-school job, and realized that "someday" wasn't so far off anymore. And just a few months after that, I came to my decision that I didn't want them. Ever.

Thinking I'd have kids "someday" was easy -- thinking about what they'd actually do to my life now, or at some point soon over the next few years, isn't. "Someday" is very different when you're a child yourself than it is at 26. All of a sudden I realized that that mythical "someday" when I was actually going to want a child was never going to come.

And I had never really wanted it to. The whole thought of "someday" in the first place was socially conditioned. It never really came from what I actually wanted as a person. I suspect many childfree women have gone through the same thing.

Once I stopped thinking "someday" and started thinking "This is my decision," everything suddenly looked very different. And it never looked the same again.

3 comments:

Childfree Chick said...

And Kristin, don't you LOVE the way it looks now?

I can really relate to this because my future seems so bright BECAUSE I won't be having kids. The possibilities are so much more endless and the unknown is so much more promising and alluring because without kids, you really DO have more opportunities and a chance to evolve more fully as a person.

I love it.

Kristin said...

Childfree Chick- I feel that way also. It's very freeing!

Ashley the Historian said...

Hi, I found your blog through bratfree.com. I heartily agree with this post...it's nice when "someday" never comes, isn't it? I made the rather masochistic (well, maybe not so much...it's a pretty fun job, actually!) decision to take a job as a camp counselor for the summer. I work with kids aged 6-14, and my assigned group is the older kids (12-14). More now than ever, it feels so good to come home at night and enjoy my husband, our pet hamsters, and the peace and quiet of our apartment. I really like my campers, but I could never be around them 24/7 like their parents are most of the time! I feel certain that when my job ends in August and I go back to school (I'm a grad student), I'll be even more firmly childfree.