Tuesday, June 26, 2007


I really didn't realize that having children was a choice until I was in my mid-20s. I mean, intellectually I knew it was a choice, but I had still always just assumed that I would have them someday. Who doesn't? And why wouldn't I?

Then all of a sudden I got married and started my first post-law-school job, and realized that "someday" wasn't so far off anymore. And just a few months after that, I came to my decision that I didn't want them. Ever.

Thinking I'd have kids "someday" was easy -- thinking about what they'd actually do to my life now, or at some point soon over the next few years, isn't. "Someday" is very different when you're a child yourself than it is at 26. All of a sudden I realized that that mythical "someday" when I was actually going to want a child was never going to come.

And I had never really wanted it to. The whole thought of "someday" in the first place was socially conditioned. It never really came from what I actually wanted as a person. I suspect many childfree women have gone through the same thing.

Once I stopped thinking "someday" and started thinking "This is my decision," everything suddenly looked very different. And it never looked the same again.


Childfree Chick said...

And Kristin, don't you LOVE the way it looks now?

I can really relate to this because my future seems so bright BECAUSE I won't be having kids. The possibilities are so much more endless and the unknown is so much more promising and alluring because without kids, you really DO have more opportunities and a chance to evolve more fully as a person.

I love it.

Kristin said...

Childfree Chick- I feel that way also. It's very freeing!

Ashley the Historian said...

Hi, I found your blog through bratfree.com. I heartily agree with this post...it's nice when "someday" never comes, isn't it? I made the rather masochistic (well, maybe not so much...it's a pretty fun job, actually!) decision to take a job as a camp counselor for the summer. I work with kids aged 6-14, and my assigned group is the older kids (12-14). More now than ever, it feels so good to come home at night and enjoy my husband, our pet hamsters, and the peace and quiet of our apartment. I really like my campers, but I could never be around them 24/7 like their parents are most of the time! I feel certain that when my job ends in August and I go back to school (I'm a grad student), I'll be even more firmly childfree.