Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I'm Not Pregnant, I'm Just Fat

Because it makes me feel better and I thought it might amuse, I've come up with a list of comebacks for women who are mistaken for being pregnant. Some of these are my own inventions and some were gathered from around the 'net.

Childfrees who have never had this happen to you, please feel free to skip this post. I'm on a bit of a roll at the moment.

"Are you pregnant?"

-No, I'm just fat.

-No, are you?

"You look like you've gained a little weight."

-I have. Thanks a lot for pointing that out.

"Congratulations!"

-Thanks. On what?

"So, when's the blessed event?"

-Actually, our wedding was a year ago.

"So, when are you due?"

-Due for what?

-Never.

-I have no idea. How about you?

"I see you're expecting!"

-Expecting what?

-I'm expecting a lot of things, but a baby isn't one of them.

"So, how far along are you?"

-27 years.

"I didn't know you were pregnant!"

-I didn't know either! How did you know?

"You're so pregnant!"

-You're so wrong!

-You're so rude!

7 comments:

Adri said...

ha, I totally used the "no, i'm just fat" line a couple of weeks ago. the nerve of people, i swear.

Diya said...

1 year into marriage, 27 yrs old- Everyone is expecting except you and your husband !!

Feh23 said...

Being a person who believes rudeness is always best met with more crass rudeness than they could ever imagine, or humor, here are my answers...

"Are you pregnant?"
- With fried cheese curds and beer.
- Are you an intrusive asshole?

"You look like you've gained a little weight"
- You sound like you have no manners

"When is the blessed event?"
- I'm an atheist.

"When are you due?"
- I don't need to be returned anywhere, fuck you very much.

"I see you're expecting"
- I am expecting, to punch you in the throat any moment.
- I see you're an ass.

"So how far along are you?"
- About this far from punching you in the throat

"You are so pregnant"
-I am so never talking to you again you rude ass.
- And you are so dumb. Go fuck yourself.

Kerry said...

AHHHH, I love this! It happened to me once, maybe 5 years ago. I wasn't even overweight. I had been in a deskjob for a few years and had gotten a big of a tummy, and a coworker saw me and blurted "Are you pregnant?" I said "No." and walked away, my eyes full of tears. Now I would handle it much better.

I saw this happen to a woman I work with several months ago. Someone saw her and gasped "Are you pregnant?" and she smiled and said "No, I just like to dress comfortably." My heart ached for her.

These comebacks are great, hopefully if this ever happens to me again I will remember some of them!

Kerry said...

Um, that was supposed to say "bit of a tummy". Really. I was like a size 10 at the time. Ridiculous.

kisp said...

I was on steroids for my asthma earlier this year so I've gained some weight that's beens hard to shed..especially in my waist.

I swear at least 10 people at work have asked...and someone I just met at a Christmas party asked or commented about me being pregnant.

My mother was SO KIND enough to tell me my grandfather pulled her to the side and asked her at Thanksgiving...

People can be so inconsiderate and bold! No class!
I usually say "No, I'm just fat" and laugh while crying on the inside.
Or, "Yes, next month I find out if it's pepperoni or supreme!"

tree said...

This just happened to me (again) last week. As the woman who asked was much larger than me, I should have said, "No. Are you?"

Here's my response for next time someone asks, "Are you pregnant?"

(wide eyed stare, eyes fill with tears, sniffle) "Well, I was until last week!" (burst out sobbing, run away)

That'll teach 'em.