Thursday, September 6, 2007

"You Aren't a Real Adult Until You Have Kids!"

One of the reasons that nosy, meddlesome people often hit us with as to why we should have children is that we won't really be adults until we do. I most heartily disagree.

First of all, I am 27 years old, and married. My husband is 28. We are highly educated; I have a J.D., and my husband a B.A. Both of us hold down difficult professional jobs that require long hours and a high level of skill. We are very busy, but well paid. We live in an apartment in NYC's West Village, which we of course rent with our own hard-earned money. We feed ourselves and our cat well. We drive, we vote, and we drink. We travel frequently. We save for retirement. We have a large support system of family and friends with whom we keep in close touch. We take care of our health, appearance and grooming. We are polite, responsible and independent.

That sounds like a good description of two adults to me. As a matter of fact, it's far more than I could say for some people who have kids, like, say, Britney Spears.

More to the point, even if we didn't feel like adults (which we most certainly do), could there possibly be a worse reason to have a child? I'm imagining some unwed, jobless 19-year-old dying to break free from her parents once and for all: "Having this child will make me an adult!" Oh no it won't, honey. It will just make you miserable.


Lilian said...

Oh I DESPISE this argument. For me, it goes hand-in-hand with "you won't have a real life until you have a child". It's frustrating to try to argue otherwise, because the person sticks to the "I have a kid and you don't so that makes me an authority and leaves you clueless on the matter" line of logic.

Feh23 said...

I don't really care if breeders consider me an "adult" or not, it's not like I'm going to be spending much (if any) time with them anyway.
As long as support myself, I'm an adult in my book, like that it means much.

And I could always throw the same thing back in their faces "When was the last time you told someone they're going to die from a disease? Oh, never? You haven't really lived until you've done that."

Diya said...

Excellent opinion. I wonder how stressfull your life will be in NYC with an infant. NY is a developed hub and have $ 800 billion GDP (Thats more then australian $700 billion GDP or equivalent to south korean GDP or just 100 billion dollars short of Indian GDP). NY is rich !!

So even though you can afford a kid, but it is tension and stress and it is not worth.

This is a good reading:

The author says here: Conceiving a Child is a Sin

Kerry said...

This argument makes the least sense of any I've heard. So does that mean that every teenager who's ever given birth is automatically somehow a "real adult"? Even the 12 and 13 year olds? Because that does happen.

Then I've heard the "You're not a real mother until you have more than one." Dear Abby advised saying "You don't have to have a litter to be a mother."

Kerry said...

And as someone who has volunteered a great deal of my time to nonprofit charities in the past three years, I'd love to say "You're not a productive member of society until you've done volunteer work."

kisp said...

All these bills I'm paying every month says I'm an adult!