Number of people who have now "congratulated" me on being pregnant: 4, in under 2 months.
Number of people who have asked whether I am before doing so: 0.
MEMO TO ALL MY ACQUAINTANCES: I'M NOT PREGNANT. AND ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS ME KNOWS IT. PLEASE STOP EMBARRASSING ME AND YOURSELVES AND KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS SHUT.
Yes, I am trying to lose a bit of weight around the middle to stop this. But I refuse to blame it all on myself. I'm only 145 lbs. and 5'5"! My BMI is in the healthy range -- according to the medical profession, I'm not even overweight. Millions of men walk around every day with huge beer guts and don't have to endure this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?
The next person who comments on this is gonna get decked. I'm through being polite. I'm just going to punch them.